Assault on a Woman’s Worth
HOW DO YOU BUILD HEALTHY BOUNDARIES?
Today is the day to come out of the ditch of domestic violence… and stay out. Allow God to help you build boundaries that will curtail co-dependant habits and eventually put YOU on the road to Transformation, where Christlike maturity protects and takes mastery over all your relationships.
Here are practical steps you can take to nurture healthy B-O-U-N-D-A-R-I-E-S:
B Begin a new way of thinking about yourself, about God, and about abuse (Romans 12:2)
- God did not create you so that you would be abused.
- Abuse is a sin against God’s creation.
- You were not created to be abused.
O Overcome fear of the unknown by trusting God with the future (Psalm 34:4).
- Deuteronomy 31:8
- Psalm 56:3
- Isaiah 41:10
U Understand the biblical mandate to hold abusers accountable (Psalm 10:15).
- Confrontation is biblical.
- Confrontation can be used by God’s Spirit to convict the abuser.
- Lack of confrontation enables abusers to continue abusing others.
N Notify others of your needs (supportive friends, relatives, or others) (Galatians 6:2)
- They must believe you.
- They must be trustworthy.
- If you leave, they must not divulge your new location to your husband.
D Develop god’s perspective on biblical submission (Ephesians 5:21).
- Submission never gives a license for abuse.
- Submission is not to be demanded; it should be a voluntary deference to the desire of another.
- Submission is designed by God to be a way of life for everyone.
A Admit your anger and practice forgiveness (Hebrews 12:15).
- Confirm the hurt.
- Confess your anger.
- Choose to forgive.
R Recognize your codependent patterns of relating, and change the way you respond (Galatians 1:10).
- Don’t respond fearfully, hiding the truth.
- Don’t think you can change him.
- Don’t take responsibility for his behavioral
I Identify healthy boundaries for yourself, and commit to maintaining them (Proverbs 19:19).
- Communicate your boundaries.
- State what you will do if he crosses your boundaries.
- Follow through if he crosses your boundaries. For example: State firmly that the next time he abuses you, you will call the police, or he can no longer live at home, or you will leave with the children. Then follow through with the promise of action.
E Ensure your personal safety (and the safety of your children) immediately (Psalm 4:8).
- Have an action plan.
- Know ahead of time where you will go and whom you will call. Have the necessary numbers easily accessible.
- Involve your church. Know, in advance, the person to contact for help.
S See your identity as being a precious child of God through your belief in Jesus Christ, and identity that cannot change, rather then your role as a wife., a role that can change (I John 3:1).
- God chose you.
- God adopted you.
- God redeemed you.
Is the “headship” of a husband a license to harm his wife? Does your head tell your hand to grab a hammer and hit your eye? No, your head protects your body – it matters not he price. So the husband as the head should protect his wife with his life.
- October is Oklahoma Domestic Violence Awareness month (newsok.com)
- The Signs of Domestic Violence (everydayhealth.com)